Changing Your Models

How to change Relationship Models that negatively affect your relationships

Relationship Models are beliefs and we have the ability to change our beliefs. The beliefs associated with our relationship models are deeply ingrained in us which make them difficult to confront or even be aware of. Changing these beliefs requires us to face and understand them which requires the willingness to experience painful emotions associated with them. Change also requires the willingness and discipline to change our behavior/reactions in healthier ways.

Steps to change

  1. Identify relationship models you possess

    1. Understand the feelings your relationship models generate

      1. Allow yourself to experience any negative feelings they generate

    2. Disprove their validity on a rational level

      1. Use an evidence-based approach in deciding whether your relationship models are true

  2. Identify your maladaptive coping strategies

  3. Identify your core values about how you want to be in your relationships

  4. Recognize how your relationship models affect your behavior and relationships in life

    1. Identify how self-defeating behavior patterns hurt your relationships

  5. Break self-defeating behavioral patterns by replacing them with healthier ones that align with your core relationship values