Relationship Models are beliefs adopted in early childhood that manifest themselves as patterns or themes throughout your life. When activated, they create negative thoughts and feelings which influence behavior that affects your relationships.
These models each represent a set of false beliefs about yourself, others and your relationships. These models create inaccurate or unrealistic standards and expectations about yourself and others that lead to destructive behavior. In a sense, they distort our view of others and interpersonal situations.
For instance, if you’re profiled with a dependence model you might expect yourself to be incompetent without the help of others or their constant support - which can affect your ability to maintain or enter healthy relationships that force you to spend time apart occasionally.
Fear you'll be abandoned or punished if you disobey which leads to:
Meeting needs of others at the expense of your own
Submitting to others to avoid real/perceived consequences
Surrender control to others due to real/perceived coercion
Activation condition: Put in situations or relationships where needs of others come first or you feel controlled by others
Emotions when activated: sadness and anger
Belief you'll be emotionally isolated forever and abandoned because significant people in your life are unstable or unreliable
Activation condition: With a partner who is unpredictable, unstable or unavailable
Emotions when activated: anger, fear and grief
Having expectations others will hurt, betray or neglect you
Activation condition: When you believe people you're interacting with will hurt or betray you
Emotions when activated: anger, fear and yearning
Belief you're inherently different from others, don't belong to a group and anticipate social exclusion from them
Activation condition: Being in situations or with groups of people that make you feel different or left out
Emotions when activated: loneliness, shame, fear, anxiety, anger and yearning
Belief you're unable to handle everyday life without considerable support or help from others and cannot survive without them
Activation condition: Any new life changes or situations, like an end of a relationship.
Emotions when activated: fear, anxiety and anger
Belief you are special and superior to others which qualify you for special privileges
Activation condition: Things don't go your way or when your desires aren't put first
Emotions when activated: anger
The belief that your partner does not understand you or love you enough.
Activation condition: Being with a partner who is cold, ungiving or distant
Emotions when activated: Disappointment, hurt, withdrawn, angry
Belief you are inherently flawed, defective and therefore unlovable
Activation condition: Getting close to someone and feeling your defects will be exposed; when criticized; when in situations you're likely to be found inadequate/unworthy.
Emotions when activated: shame, sadness and anger
Believe you're inferior in ares such as school, work, sports, etc and will ultimately fail
Activation condition: With people more successful than you; situations that make you feel lacking in accomplishments, talents, competence or intelligence.
Emotions when activated: fear, sadness, anger and shame
Believe your self-worth is based on your internalized high-standards and achievements
Activation condition: You don't feel you or others have met your high standards
Emotions when activated: anger
Here are examples of typical models people hold that are written as beliefs:
There's something wrong with me
People are always leaving me
No one really cares for me or gives me what I need
Only the best is good enough for me
I'm going to fail at what I do
I can't take care of myself without someone else's help
It's dangerous to trust people too much
They’ve served the purpose of helping you survive in your past, but now they’re self-defeating beliefs you hold onto because of the familiarity and comfort they provide. You're likely not aware of the underlying beliefs too nor would you think they're problematic.